Joe is yelling at the trees again.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
So much rum. So many feels.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
