I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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