everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
