i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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