Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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