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around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
