i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
