bring money and cleavage
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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