I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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