i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I just saw a hot homeless man
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
