69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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