he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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