hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
