is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
