well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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