omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
