the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
