we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
