Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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