??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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