I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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