We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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