is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
