have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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