so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
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