I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Randomize
