I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize