I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
