spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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