Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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