It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
