dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
