i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
