Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
