What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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