I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
