ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
