He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
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