thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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