hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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