how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
