I must be too annoying 4 u.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
