You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
She even gives head with a lisp.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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