I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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