he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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