Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
