weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize