awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
