I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
