come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
