remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
