were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Randomize
