Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize