mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
