O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
