My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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