youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
