Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
