OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
