I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
