it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
