He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
