At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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