Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
