is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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