I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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