i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
