I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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